I'm Still Alive!

Good news guys I made it through a horrible night of VERY painful cramps. I don't know how to describe how horrible and painful it was. All I wanted to do was cry, scream and yell. But I think the pills worked I was finally able to pass everything around 5 am and start getting some sleep. Not the best sleep ever since the cramps were still there but on a lot minor scale. But today I'm doing well just very hungry from losing everything in my stomach multiple times. I am very glad that before all this that Skyeler had called our landlord and he was willing to come down all those stairs to help sky with giving me a blessing. Its a wonderful feeling knowing that the priesthood is there to help and that we have such wonderful landlords that are willing to do anything for us. I couldn't ask for a better place to live right now. I never want to leave this apartment. (well maybe at some point I will). So my wonderful hubby is making lunch and I should help him. So grateful for him and all he does for me. I couldn't ask for a better husband. Life is good. Even in our situation.

Finally, Some Answers!!!!

Skyeler and I finally made it to a doc and got some answers about what the crap is going on. I am sorry to say that the baby is gone. When he took the ultra sound the baby was the size of only 6 weeks instead of what it should be now at 8 weeks. So It has been gone a while. But he did clear up many things from the hospital. 1. He had the summary of the Ultra sound that they did. (that would have been nice to have) 2. He had the actual HCG count. Needless to say the E.R. doc sucked. He told us that the levels were good at around 90,000. Well according to the papers that Doctor Saunders had the HCG levels were at 96,000 ish. So when I had my 2nd HCG test it had actually dropped 4,000 instead of increasing by 2,000. That really does make a difference!!!! So the doctor apologized to the fact that he had to tell me news like that when this was our first time meeting. But He did go and give me options on what I do from here and really informed me and he was just so helpful, understanding, and caring. I will for sure go back to this guy again!!! But now we have chosen to help the passing of the baby and whatever is left in there by taking some meds that makes the uterus contract. So its not over yet. But I know everything will be ok and that there is a next time and everything will be different.

This really has been a weird blessing in disguise. I feel less stress about our situation, (even though it is still quite stressful to find a job), but I feel that everything that has happened has brought Skyeler and I closer together in our relationship and I just feel comforted in everything. Thank you all for your many prayers on our behalf.

Continued

I had my second blood test today and my HCG hormone has increased by about 2,000. So the baby should still be there even though I really don't feel that I'm pregnant anymore. My nausea has decreased and the cramping is still there and at times the cramping is quite painful. Skyeler and I will be making an appointment with an OB/GYN soon so we can really sit down and talk and find out what is going on and possibly have another ultrasound. I would like another ultrasound that is. But I'm happy to know that the hormone did increase though. But I'm still worried and concerned about what is going on. So we are still in need of the awesome and amazing support that my family and friends give. Thank you all!!! Hopefully I can give you all more news of what is going on and if my baby is surviving! I do hope so.

To Be Continued....

I will tell you now that this story is to be continued. Well all through my very short pregnancy I have been having some cramps, I wouldn't say that it was anything to worry about but last night (Sunday) My cramps were coming quite often and very painful and I there was also some spotting going on, but not much. So I would tell Sky that it would hurt he would say I know and have no idea on how to comfort me. Approximately around 9:30pm I had started to bleed quite a bit. And by a bit I mean a lot. The bleeding was in increments and each time I bled a lot. I don't really know how to accurately estimate how much I bled but it was enough to worry both of us. So by 10:30 I had called the on call nurse and mentioned I wasn't going to be able to make it into my morning shift because I was bleeding and didn't know what exactly was happening. Well Luckily enough the bleeding had stopped and I didn't bleed any more until this morning but again it was only some lighter spotting.
Skyeler and I had decided that it was a MUST to get into a doctor to figure what had happened and if the baby was alive. So we went to BABY YOUR BABY and was basically instantly put on that because of our very low income and situation. Then I went and spoke to my supervisor at Homewatch and thanked her for covering my shift and explained to her what was going on. She mentioned that I should go to the hospital asap and that if needed she would cover my afternoon shift in Springville. So off to the hospital we went. This was approximately around 12:30 and we went and was basically the only ones there in the waiting room. But we wouldn't find anything out for hours. So after a long wait, blood tests, and an ultrasound it came back with mixed signals. The ultrasound didn't look good. They mentioned that I have an abnormal sack and that they couldn't distinguish anything, but that could be because I'm only 7 weeks or it could be that the baby just wasn't developing or something like that don't remember. But my blood tests came back very good with HCG levels of 90,000. So the doctor basically mentioned that most likely what happened was that I had an incomplete miscarriage and to come back and get more blood work done on Thursday that way we can see if the HCG levels have either raised or lowered. If they have raised the baby should still be alive but if it lowered it is a for sure miscarriage. So Sky and I are still at a loss on what actually happened. So for sure Thursday I will update so I can vent and hide my tears. I know that if it is a miscarriage that there is absolutely nothing that I could have done differently to keep the baby that in all reality that 1-in-5 pregnancies miscarry. But still, I love my little baby and it is hard to have the excitement of being able to bring a child into a good family and raise it in righteousness and then have it possibly (most likely) taken away very quickly. I'm glad that Skyeler and my family is a source of support for me and will help in every way they can. I love them all and so glad that they are all apart of my life. A big thanks again to my wonderful husband who has helped me with everything during this short pregnancy and this episode. You are the best and I couldn't have asked for a better husband and friend and one day in the future a daddy.

Couch Potato

It has not been an interesting couple of days. I have mainly sat around my house either sleeping or watching tv. This has been going on since Thursday and I have been driving myself crazy. The only horrible thing is that if i get up and try to go do something I feel nauseous, if I sit on the couch I feel nauseous. Friday was the only day that I left the house and that was to go get Pizza with Sky and Tyler. That didn't go over well I complained the entire time to Blackjacks pizza and back about feeling sick. So I went home and sat around some more. Yesterday I think I got up around 10:30 and I was on the couch the rest of the time except to walk around cause my butt was hurting or to go to the bathroom. It has been quite annoying. So if anyone has some amazing ideas on what to do, like a good book, or something to keep me from thinking of my nausea that would be great. At least tomorrow I get to spend 1.5 hours at work. I hope that works out. Skyeler has been wonderful and keeping me company so at least he is here until he finds a job. Which I hope is soon because the stress of that might just be adding to my nausea. "Stress its a killer Sir" Bartok (Anastasia) Well I must get more food in my stomach so I will update my wonderful couch potato life soon. And seriously if anyone has any input at all on what I can do that would be great, or places where we (mainly skyeler) could apply.

Babys Nickname

So after talking to a few family/friends I am no longer going to call the baby IT. The baby's name till we find out what it is, is going to be.......... Tadpole. I got the name from the picture if its development. As of now it has a tail. So Tadpole. Yay its not an IT anymore!!

Not Feeling Well

I swear this year was made for me to not feel well. But I guess now I have a very good excuse. On April 7th Skyeler and I found out that we will be adding to our family. Basically I'm pregnant and about 7 weeks along. Main symptoms, tired, nauseated, sore, nauseous, hungry, and did I mention I'm really nauseous?? As of today I have only thrown up once and I really hope that is the only time that I do. Skyeler has been the best ever though, he is so willing to get me food and almost whatever I want. The past couple days I have wanted hamburgers. But do to the lack of money I have had to go without. But here is how I told Sky. He has told me to go take a test so I did and when I finally came out of the bathroom he was sitting in a chair right outside of the door, he looked up at me and I said it was positive. Well he didn't believe me because he had been prepping himself for a Negative. So I told him again, it says its positive, Sky's response "No your not, your just teasing me", by this time I got kinda frustrated cause you would think this was a special moment. So I told him for a 3rd or 4th I kinda lost track on how many times I had to tell him that I am pregnant and if you don't believe me go look in the trash for the test. Well he had to go look for himself, and I showed him that it was positive and finally he believed me. (Here is the Announcement Duck, notice it is not wearing a bag but it is actually a diaper with a safety pin.)



To add to all my sickness and that of not feeling well, I just finished up with the stress of finals and the close of a semester. But along with the close of school this year mine and Skyeler's jobs at the school have ended. Mine actually ended April 2nd because I worked way to much and I ran out of work study funds. So now Sky and I will be living off of 2.5 hours a week that I make as a Home Health aid. I should be getting some new clients soon. But that all depends on if I'm well enough to take them, but I have asked for no lifting and it was mentioned that there are plenty of clients that only require company. So pray I get something like that. We both have faith that out Heavenly Father will provide for us soon. We are doing everything we can to find jobs. So add all that at once to finding out your pregnant and see how you feel. Then you will know how my life is at the moment.
I also know that everyone who knows our situation is worried but please don't mention that we need to go find jobs. I'm very aware of that. Especially since I tend to OVER worry and stress over simple and small things. But please if you can just help out with the job hunt and let us know if there is anything open that you can see. Sky and I know what we need to do and were doing it but we also realized everything is in the hands of our Lord so prayer and fasting would be a plus. He has given us a special gift of a tiny and precious 4-5 mm child who I already Love so much. (I even talk to it and tell it daily of how special it is to us and how much I'm in love with it. (I hate calling it and it.)) But the lord will not make it so we can't take care of our family. Faith comes first.