Changes

After some time and thinking tons about our situation I am a little more accepting of our big change. I still don't want it to happen but I guess it is just our next adventure and I should just enjoy it, or at least try to. Oh and I still need to figure out how I am going to continue going to school. Any ideas anyone? I would need to do online classes but UVU doesn't have them for the classes I need. So if anyone knows what a good option is for online classes that would be great and If I don't go to school at UVU what happens to my financial aid? I wonder if that could just go towards some online classes somewhere? But I have no idea.

On the up side of things I got a new Hammock!! It's a Grand Trunk brand and the material is made out of the same thing as Parachutes! I think it is awesome and I can't wait to put it up somewhere, especially since it is a two person and I would love to cuddle. The color is awesome so you will just have to check it out. It basically cost me like 15 bucks ish because from Christmas the OAC (Outdoor Adventure Center) gave all the employees a $50 gift certificate to Out N' Back. I'm going to miss that job next yr. :( So hopefully I will find something else that is just as awesome and that doesn't require showering people or wiping butts. Even though I am a pro at it.

So sad day, Sky is going to Richfield for a couple days to start the remodeling. I am stuck here working my 1.75 hours a day, so I have no idea what I am going to do the rest of the time. How am I going to keep myself entertained? For some odd reason sky has already put our movies and games into a box. Now what? He did just say I could start a video game. HA HA me video games, I just watch I don't play. HMMM maybe I could play Uncharted: Among Thieves, that is a fun game.......

Venting: Read if you Dare

Life is getting more and more crazy and frustrating as the days go by. Skyeler and I still have not been able to increase our hours or find new jobs. We have basically used up all of tax return and extras on trying to stay but nothing has worked out. I would say that we are at a loss on what to do but the unmentionable that I never have wanted to do is about to come. Odds are that in the next couple of weeks to a month Skyeler and I will no longer be in Orem. We will be moving to Richfield once again and living in Skyeler dad's house where there is no rent, utilities, or other money issues. I think we would only pay for our own phones. So we would save money, that is if we even had a job to get money.

Something to hope for is that Skyelers dad will be getting a job in a new mine somewhere close to Elko Nevada and there is a very good chance that Skyeler can get a job there as well. If he does get a job there we would have instant benefits with medical, dental, vision, 401K, bonuses, and I think they pay for schooling as well. They would start him out at $16 ish an hour. I guess there is at least one thing to hope for. But Chris (skys dad) will be letting us fix up the basement to make it quite homey and comfortable for us and I really don't mind being there in his dads house. The only thing would be the location we're living at. Does it really have to be Richfield?? I was so happy to get out of there last time that the thought of being there now just really bites. BIG TIME!! I won't go into detail on why but one thing it would make schooling for me quite difficult. I might have to drive 2 hours just to go to school since there are no school close to that area that has the degree I want to go into and no online classes either. I swear the world is out to get me at times.

I guess what bothers me is that I'm not ready to move from our location mostly because of school. I've loved the fact that it only takes a few min to get onto campus. I also think we have the best land lords in the world and I'm afraid that if we do end up in another apartment we will have to deal with those horror stories about landlords. Oh, and I don't want to waste $70 bucks that we have put into our garden. Even though the weather is killing them already, but most of the plants are still growing and trying to make it. I don't think our garden will survive in a backyard that has a dog.

I hope I can made it through the next month or so with all this un-surety. I guess I just stress and worry to much about things and tend to pity my situation more than I should. It just seems everyone else's life is so much better. But I could be wrong. I'm not in their shoes. But if I can mention losing a baby, moving in with a parent, and basically losing your independence by having to move out because your completely poor seems to be at the bottom of the pit in my eyes. I don't like it when the world turns upside down on you. But if we are at the bottom of the pit I hope we don't fall to the middle of the earth and that the only way is up.

I'm sorry to vent so much but Sky has listened to me a couple times and is now very tired of it, but the situation still bugs me. So hopefully by writing it down or typing it will help me to organize my thoughts and attempt to understand. Maybe I should make another blog where it is just venting, so I can lower my stress and not have to bother Skyeler with my venting. But anywho look forward to next update for more venting. Just Kidding, I hope I won't have to vent and maybe next time I'll be writing about how blessed I am with all of this. Who knows. I sure don't.

Absolutely Nothing

As an update on how things are going for us, we are completely bored. I swear we have watched every movie that we own multiple times. We still don't have jobs and somehow we managed to feed ourselves since our food stamp card is in Richfield in Skyeler's wallet. But luckily we will be going down there on Wednesday to help Sky's dad with random projects around the house. Better than sitting around here all day.

I am doing well. My cramps have gone away completely and I am feeling great. Until my leg started hurting today and wouldn't stop. But I think I have only been down because of the stress and worry of how our life is right now, not knowing if we will be able to find a job to support us. It makes me very curious on what God is thinking, and what exactly he has planned out for us. I hate not knowing. But at least things are going well.

I'm Still Alive!

Good news guys I made it through a horrible night of VERY painful cramps. I don't know how to describe how horrible and painful it was. All I wanted to do was cry, scream and yell. But I think the pills worked I was finally able to pass everything around 5 am and start getting some sleep. Not the best sleep ever since the cramps were still there but on a lot minor scale. But today I'm doing well just very hungry from losing everything in my stomach multiple times. I am very glad that before all this that Skyeler had called our landlord and he was willing to come down all those stairs to help sky with giving me a blessing. Its a wonderful feeling knowing that the priesthood is there to help and that we have such wonderful landlords that are willing to do anything for us. I couldn't ask for a better place to live right now. I never want to leave this apartment. (well maybe at some point I will). So my wonderful hubby is making lunch and I should help him. So grateful for him and all he does for me. I couldn't ask for a better husband. Life is good. Even in our situation.

Finally, Some Answers!!!!

Skyeler and I finally made it to a doc and got some answers about what the crap is going on. I am sorry to say that the baby is gone. When he took the ultra sound the baby was the size of only 6 weeks instead of what it should be now at 8 weeks. So It has been gone a while. But he did clear up many things from the hospital. 1. He had the summary of the Ultra sound that they did. (that would have been nice to have) 2. He had the actual HCG count. Needless to say the E.R. doc sucked. He told us that the levels were good at around 90,000. Well according to the papers that Doctor Saunders had the HCG levels were at 96,000 ish. So when I had my 2nd HCG test it had actually dropped 4,000 instead of increasing by 2,000. That really does make a difference!!!! So the doctor apologized to the fact that he had to tell me news like that when this was our first time meeting. But He did go and give me options on what I do from here and really informed me and he was just so helpful, understanding, and caring. I will for sure go back to this guy again!!! But now we have chosen to help the passing of the baby and whatever is left in there by taking some meds that makes the uterus contract. So its not over yet. But I know everything will be ok and that there is a next time and everything will be different.

This really has been a weird blessing in disguise. I feel less stress about our situation, (even though it is still quite stressful to find a job), but I feel that everything that has happened has brought Skyeler and I closer together in our relationship and I just feel comforted in everything. Thank you all for your many prayers on our behalf.

Continued

I had my second blood test today and my HCG hormone has increased by about 2,000. So the baby should still be there even though I really don't feel that I'm pregnant anymore. My nausea has decreased and the cramping is still there and at times the cramping is quite painful. Skyeler and I will be making an appointment with an OB/GYN soon so we can really sit down and talk and find out what is going on and possibly have another ultrasound. I would like another ultrasound that is. But I'm happy to know that the hormone did increase though. But I'm still worried and concerned about what is going on. So we are still in need of the awesome and amazing support that my family and friends give. Thank you all!!! Hopefully I can give you all more news of what is going on and if my baby is surviving! I do hope so.

To Be Continued....

I will tell you now that this story is to be continued. Well all through my very short pregnancy I have been having some cramps, I wouldn't say that it was anything to worry about but last night (Sunday) My cramps were coming quite often and very painful and I there was also some spotting going on, but not much. So I would tell Sky that it would hurt he would say I know and have no idea on how to comfort me. Approximately around 9:30pm I had started to bleed quite a bit. And by a bit I mean a lot. The bleeding was in increments and each time I bled a lot. I don't really know how to accurately estimate how much I bled but it was enough to worry both of us. So by 10:30 I had called the on call nurse and mentioned I wasn't going to be able to make it into my morning shift because I was bleeding and didn't know what exactly was happening. Well Luckily enough the bleeding had stopped and I didn't bleed any more until this morning but again it was only some lighter spotting.
Skyeler and I had decided that it was a MUST to get into a doctor to figure what had happened and if the baby was alive. So we went to BABY YOUR BABY and was basically instantly put on that because of our very low income and situation. Then I went and spoke to my supervisor at Homewatch and thanked her for covering my shift and explained to her what was going on. She mentioned that I should go to the hospital asap and that if needed she would cover my afternoon shift in Springville. So off to the hospital we went. This was approximately around 12:30 and we went and was basically the only ones there in the waiting room. But we wouldn't find anything out for hours. So after a long wait, blood tests, and an ultrasound it came back with mixed signals. The ultrasound didn't look good. They mentioned that I have an abnormal sack and that they couldn't distinguish anything, but that could be because I'm only 7 weeks or it could be that the baby just wasn't developing or something like that don't remember. But my blood tests came back very good with HCG levels of 90,000. So the doctor basically mentioned that most likely what happened was that I had an incomplete miscarriage and to come back and get more blood work done on Thursday that way we can see if the HCG levels have either raised or lowered. If they have raised the baby should still be alive but if it lowered it is a for sure miscarriage. So Sky and I are still at a loss on what actually happened. So for sure Thursday I will update so I can vent and hide my tears. I know that if it is a miscarriage that there is absolutely nothing that I could have done differently to keep the baby that in all reality that 1-in-5 pregnancies miscarry. But still, I love my little baby and it is hard to have the excitement of being able to bring a child into a good family and raise it in righteousness and then have it possibly (most likely) taken away very quickly. I'm glad that Skyeler and my family is a source of support for me and will help in every way they can. I love them all and so glad that they are all apart of my life. A big thanks again to my wonderful husband who has helped me with everything during this short pregnancy and this episode. You are the best and I couldn't have asked for a better husband and friend and one day in the future a daddy.

Couch Potato

It has not been an interesting couple of days. I have mainly sat around my house either sleeping or watching tv. This has been going on since Thursday and I have been driving myself crazy. The only horrible thing is that if i get up and try to go do something I feel nauseous, if I sit on the couch I feel nauseous. Friday was the only day that I left the house and that was to go get Pizza with Sky and Tyler. That didn't go over well I complained the entire time to Blackjacks pizza and back about feeling sick. So I went home and sat around some more. Yesterday I think I got up around 10:30 and I was on the couch the rest of the time except to walk around cause my butt was hurting or to go to the bathroom. It has been quite annoying. So if anyone has some amazing ideas on what to do, like a good book, or something to keep me from thinking of my nausea that would be great. At least tomorrow I get to spend 1.5 hours at work. I hope that works out. Skyeler has been wonderful and keeping me company so at least he is here until he finds a job. Which I hope is soon because the stress of that might just be adding to my nausea. "Stress its a killer Sir" Bartok (Anastasia) Well I must get more food in my stomach so I will update my wonderful couch potato life soon. And seriously if anyone has any input at all on what I can do that would be great, or places where we (mainly skyeler) could apply.