As most of you know I am not a huge fan of putting my feelings or thoughts out to anyone and everyone out in cyber land, but once in a while you just have a lot on your mind and you need to get it out. I have hit one of those moments where I have so much going on on the inside that I just can't get it to process and have my mind make sense of it all.
First and foremost I am missing Skyeler terribly. It really has affected my sleep and just my overall mood. All day long I sit and wait for his phone call and on nights where I don't get to spend a long time talking to him I get a little down. I know that this training is completely different than BCT but still. I miss him and I NEED him badly. Especially with little one growing and kicking and of course not being able to roll over in bed very easily. :) (that was my attempt to make you laugh). I am so very blessed to have Skyeler in my life and to have him as my eternal companion. I don't know where I would be without him. He really is my whole life. So when he isn't here I feel like I'm not where I need to be. Not that being at Airborne training is where I need to be. I don't think my doc would approve of that sort of training. :P another attempt to make you laugh.
My next thought that is on my mind is the apartment hunting process. There are so many in's and out's and things to think about and I know that I could just go pick one and it would be fine but I am always wanting to make sure we are where we are suppose to be. But deep down I just have a feeling that I need to wait just a little bit longer. I need to know what our income will be and where Skyeler will be working. It isn't that I feel like we are looking in the wrong place I just feel that something good will happen if I just hold out just a little bit longer. I hope that is right. Having that patience is difficult when you are wanting the same things that I do.
For my third thought it is about life in general... How far I have come since I was a kid and all the life events making me who I am today. Wishing I knew more about things and less about others, wondering if I am going to be a satisfactory parent with my lack of baby knowledge. How does one prep for something they know absolutely nothing about and have a very limited number of individuals that conversation about this topic is comfortable. Then knowing how to put it into words so the other person understands and knows that it is important to you. I find it very interesting my feelings on this matter... (babies in general). I never have the same feelings two days in a row. I go from extremes every day. I have heard this is normal so no worries, especially once they get to the point where I am at. A lot of this is very vague I know, but I don't think you want to read about it all. If you do it will probably be in my Journal where I do put my feelings into a little more detail down on paper so you can attempt to steal it. Just know you might have a nasty consequence for attempting. :)
So between missing Skyeler, finding an apartment/him a job, and all my thoughts about life and the next few months plus past 24 years I have a lot going on in my head and it is all jumbled up. So if I am a little spaced please be patient with me. I will get it organized eventually. Just know that I do not feel sorry for myself. I am glad that all things will end and some of these thoughts and feelings will organize themselves in due time. I just need to make it that far! :P
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