It is amazing to me how time can be so different for people. In the same 24 hours different people can feel like the day has gone by quickly or by very slowly. But yet time is the same every day and for everyone.
This past year has been quite long but yet so very short for me. I can't believe that we are done with basic training and AIT. Maryland is now something from my past and it isn't something that I am looking forward to anymore. Skyeler has also been in the military for over a year now and only 5 more to go with 2 years.
What has really been hard for me this past year is that I have now spent 1 year without a very special person in my life.... When you are younger you always think or feel like these special people will always be around and when they are not there anymore it is hard. Especially when they have played a big role in your life. I still have days when I want to call her up and tell her about what is happening especially with the little one coming... I feel like whenever I have a list of people I have to update on things that she is always near the top of my list of people to call. I want to tell her all about my adventures and how my life is completely different. I still have my days where I just sit and cry and ache with the loss. Certain songs will remind me of her and I cry and then have to listen to the song again and again. Oh how I miss my loved ones who have passed on. I think of them daily and I just hope that they think of me. Death really isn't something that is new to me considering how many people in my life who have passed on, but in all reality it doesn't matter how many people you know who have died with each new death is a new experience and new pain that you have to work through.
If I could talk to my grandma Kunzler and aunt Kathy I would ask them if they are proud of the person I have become... I am sure they are, but it is just hearing it from them. I know that when I was younger they wanted me to be a little more girly and less of a tom boy and I just hope that they are proud of my choices that I have made in my life. I also wish that my little girl could have met them. It breaks my heart that they had to die when they did because I feel like my little one will be missing out on a lot. They were such amazing examples to me and I hope that I can be that kind of example to others.
What a long year it has been and I know that I will miss my aunt every minute of every day until I get to see her and my other family members again. I look forward to that day. I want it to come ever so quickly. I hate missing people. But we are bound to the laws of time and have to live in our 24 hour periods. So until that day I will do my best to make them proud and to be an example to others like they were to me. I will continue to miss them and look forward to seeing them but most importantly I will continue to love them. For that will never end.
No comments:
Post a Comment