Pregnancy #3 - Miscarriage #2.

On January 2nd I went in for an OB appointment and kinda had a bad feeling about everything. Well long story short our little one hadn't grown or had a heartbeat. It was still the size of 6-7 weeks and I was suppose to be 10-11 weeks. I just knew something was wrong so when the ultrasound tech said she was going to get the doc it wasn't going to be surprising that bad news was coming. I knew once we didn't get a heartbeat with the Doppler earlier.

The weird thing is that the Doc that I had been going to was the SAME Doc that I went to when we were trying to find answers with the first miscarriage. So now this Doc has told me twice that my baby was gone. Long story short he prescribed me the same meds as before and I would go home, take them, and in a few hours have contractions that would hurt like not other and basically start the cleaning out process.

I was fine while at the doctor office but once I got home I just basically collapsed and cried and cried. I dreaded getting those pills and having to experience everything again. Luckily Skyeler was able to come home and be with me. I didn't think he was going to be able to. Shortly after he got home my parents came over to offer support, love, and meals for the next few days. I am so grateful they did.

That evening around 6pm I took the dreaded pills and began the process. A friend of mine brought over popcorn, a movie, yarn, and ice cream to help me get through the night. But unfortunately the pain was so unbearable I ended up going to the E.R. in an attempt to get some relief. I literally felt like my uterus was going to explode. We called another friend around 2 am and she came and stayed with Mikena while we went to the hospital. Sadly 2 doses of morphine didn't scratch the surface and the ultrasound tech made things worse for me as she had the ultrasound probe on my uterus during freaking contractions and made the pain even worse!

After the ultrasound we were back in my E.R. room just trying to get some sleep and trying to deal with the pain. I eventually got a different pain med and that seemed to help... either that or I was just near the end of everything. The doc came in to say that the blood work looked ok. (I didn't loose as much blood as I was thinking) and the ultrasound showed that everything was just sitting at the bottom so everything would be passing soon. He said we could go home if we wanted or stay a little bit long as I still tried to deal with the pain.  I decided to stay and that next hour I was just in a daze. I wasn't asleep or awake just kinda there. Skyeler was sitting in a chair leaning over the bed (trying to sleep) and around 6 I decided that I was able to head home. Skyeler and our friend Kristy who was with Mikena needed to go to work at 7-7:30 so I figured it was just time. We got home and I just crashed. Mikena got up around 8 and we just watched movies until Skyeler got home from work.  Mikena was so much more affectionate that morning and was very soft. Not jumping on me like she normally does and did very well at listening. It really amazed me. I feel like she knew and just was able to be the support I needed.

Skyeler took care of everything and Sunday, Monday, Tuesday we had sisters from the ward bring meals to us. Then the next Sunday I managed to make it to church where I had 3 different sisters approach me giving love and support. Our bishop also heard about our experience and in the weeks following had asked us to go to his office after sacrament meeting where he gave support, love, comfort and words of encouragement. I felt so blessed to have such amazing ward members and friends. I don't think I could have made it through that experience without them. I am so very grateful for the friends that I have. It meant so much that people would call and check in and just try to help in any way possible. If anything that was our silver lining, realizing how many people cared and wanted to help. Even though I felt like everything was wrong and feeling the pain of the loss it was softened by the people around me.

Now that it has been  two month I still feel the pain of the loss and I want more than anything to have that baby but I know that I am loved. That everything will be made right in the end. That I will always have people to look out for me and my loved ones. 

So its been a while...

Do you ever get the feeling that nobody looks at your blog so why update it. I've had that feeling a lot so needless to say it has been a long time since I decided to update the blog. I want to say that nothing much has happened in that time of no blogging but I would be lying. LOTS has happened since mid September of last year. Things like holidays such as Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New years, Valentines day, etc.... Mikena has been growing and learning so much. Both Skyeler and Mikena had birthdays! Then sadly we were expecting a little one but lost it.... This has probably been the most challenging things ever.

So Holidays we had fun, there was lots of food, and company.

Birthday's. For Skyeler and Mikena's birthday we went to the Ancient life museum at Thanksgiving Point in Lehi. They LOVED it. Mikena is always so curious and fascinated by everything. She has started to LOVE dinosaurs. (Thanks to Skyeler's love and fascination with them) She kept saying fossils, and soun (as in sun-son mixed) She is trying to say Dinosaur but it doesn't come out anywhere close to dinosaur. 

She really did love everything there. I'm sure we will go back but we have to go to the aquarium and zoo.
For Mikena's birthday specifically, we had some friends over and had cupcakes and ice cream.

Lets just say she is one spoiled 2 yr old! She had so much fun with everyone and loved the attention and gifts. She was so cute all day!

I just love this girl so much and she is just so special, smart, funny, outgoing, and just plain amazing.